pixie_elf: (Default)
(If anyone can add to this please list it. Check my last entry if you have no idea what this is referring to.)

Why it would work:

Mystina would be out of the house, her room could be cleaned without her getting sick from the dust. Something that has been promised to her for a good while but hasn't happened.

Tacy would get a vacation from taking care of Mystina. She could let someone ELSE do the work of it. She would get a break from the stress of it at least.

Nathaniel is a medical professional, he could take care of her and if anything happened he'd know what to do. He already has her medicine list and is learning it. She won't be taking care of herself.

She knows how to protect herself. If he tried anything he'd get a swift kick in the balls. Both of their intentions are PURE, both want to wait until marriage so nothing will happen. But, If he tried anything he'd get kicked in the nuts.

He intends to keep her headache away, and any other pain until the night they plan to work on healing her. She can also be given energy by him. This means she's going to feel good as long as she has easy access to him. It works better when he's able to put his hands on the person. He's the only one able to bring her headache down to a 0, so while he's here that also means a break from the pain for a while for HER.

If anything did happen you're just a phonecall away.

The bad possibilities of what could happen:

Nathaniel could try something, piss Mystina off, and get his balls kicked while she called her family. After kicking them more than once that is. She's not going to let a man harm her, and if he tried she doesn't care how much she loves him, he gets the same : a kick in the balls if he tries anything on her. When Mystina says she's going to wait she means it. Then he'd have to deal with her pissed off family who'd beat the shit out of him before calling the cops. :)

She could get sick...and he'd be there to give her the medication she needed. If it got bad they could call home and take her to the hospital.
pixie_elf: (Default)
Yay. My family decided that no, I cannot stay at the hotel with Nathaniel. I am about to be Twenty-Fucking-One. My god.

It's not that that I'm pissed off the most about.

I'm pissed because three months ago.... THREE FUCKING MONTHS AGO Mom PROMISED she'd find a way to make this happen.

And what's she saying now?

5 Days.


I told them a fucking WEEK IN ADVANCE he'll be buying them.

They said I never talked to them about it... WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO BRING IT UP? That's not fucking on me. They have responsibility in this too. And if they were trying to be responsible then they should have brought it up months ago.

I'm pissed off.

Very pissed off.

They kept saying how messed up I've been of late.

Well gee I know the Compazine fucked me over.

They said I had judgement making problems.

They said I'm impulsive.

That I do shit without thinking so I'm going to do something wrong.

They said I needed a therapyst.

Because in the past few weeks Mom has been harsh on me and told me shit when she was angry that upset me. Shit that wasn't true and I'm never allowed to say you're wrong because I'm told to shut up. Wow. You really want me to talk to a therapyst about that? They'd chew her ass out and put her right in therapy with me. Good idea.

Don't fucking pull your shit on me making this my fault and mine alone. You could have brought it up too.

So I guess this means I'm not trusted.

And Apparantly unless Nathaniel can come up with enough money to cover the hotel (Which I'm not sure WHAT that will be but I know the full price will be between $359-390 or so for 10 days, because they can apparantly only pay for 5 when they promised the full 10...) We're fucked. Great going guys.

I told you we should save up.

Did you listen? No.

I also planned this out so I wouldn't be going and doing a fuck of a lot that would tire me out.

And yet I'm the one that's irresponsible, fucks shit up, and apparantly is untrustworthy.

I'm about ready to say fuck you. You may be my parents and I may love you but I'm about to be 21. I have the right to go to that room and sleep in it if I want to.

What they also don't think about is it'd give them days to work on my room. Days that they could get that fucking mess cleaned up without making me ill because of the dust. But does that matter? No. What matters is that I'll fuck shit up and sleep with him because I'm obviously an impulsive idiot who couldn't POSSIBLY decide to wait and carry that through. Goody.

Wow, you really put trust in me. You really make me feel all happy about who I am and what I am. I think things out carefully guys, very carefully and I think about things a lot. You want to talk about reality? You could have brought it up. So it's not just on my head. It's on yours.

I don't recall ever being this angry at Mama or Papa before but I am so fucking angry. It's all my fault I guess, because I'm so irresponsible.
pixie_elf: (Default)
Remind me to tell him the next time I speak with him how he was right.

You have no morals.

I'm sickened by you and everything you're about.

May they take over from here and do what I am too disgusted to : Set things right. You're such a sick fuck. Such a sick fuck. No morals at all.

I don't feel bad about what I'm saying.

And I shall wash my hands of this....

My not so silent prayer....
pixie_elf: (Default)
Whee. I've been in a creative mood lately. Poetic, Painting, beading, you name it, I've been doing it. ^_^;; Mostly the writing though.

Right now I feel sick. I hate my period at the moment. Meh. I feel icky because I've had 3 in the last month...

But I am tired of being your Savior,
And I am tired of telling you why.

I warned you. I tried to warn you. You chose not to listen to me. I wash my hands of this. What you choose to do to him and to yourself is your own choice. You were warned about how I felt. You were warned what would happen. How am I to blame if you won't listen to more than one person's warnings? Oh well. You'll learn soon enough what you want and by then it may be too late. Either way things between our friendship I think are frozen at this point. They will not get any better nor any worse on my part. Maybe on yours because I'm withdrawing myself, but I've got good reason to. Your hurts will not be my fault this time around. There is a reason I've done things the way I've done them. Done is done, I cannot undo them. Either way the only thing I may do is stand by them. I stand by what I said because it's the truth. Nothing good will come of rehashing all of these things...

It matters not to me now what you do. I love you but I won't watch you allow yourself to be destroyed. Maybe you didn't realize it but BLIND faith has gotten you nothing so far. What makes you think blindly obeying someone yet again will make good come to you?

You made your choice, and I am making mine, to force myself not to fucking bother telling the complete truth to you until you've gotten your act together. I had a backup plan in order, so what does it matter? I was hurt at first. Very hurt, but you know what? Now I'm just annoyed. Now I'm just angry. I'll get over it, sooner or later, once I'm prooved right I'll get over it and the anger will go away... heh.
pixie_elf: (Default)
And here comes little naked Me,
Paddling up to the bathroom door...
To find little naked You,
SLUMPED on the bathroom floor...
So, I guess I'll just STAND here,
With my back against the wall,
While you distill your whole life,
Down to a 911 call...

Gods my head is killing me right now...


The pain in my ovaries was fucking easier to deal with. x_x;;

I can tell this is just a temporary raise in pressure because I'm not feeling it behind my eyes, if that makes -any- sense... It's not so bad right now, I can handle it but if I move the wrong way? Brain.Squeezed. Fuckmas. This hurts. x_x;;

I'm so tired but I already know the moment I lay down I'll just wind up staring at the ceiling because of the pain. Fucking pain. Stupid pain. I hate pain. It sucks.

I mean, okay, I can see the use for pain... But what I can't see is why the fuck my body chose to cope with things by AMPLIFYING my physical pain? I mean what the FUCK is up with that? "Oh gee, she's had plenty of mental trauma as a child... let's see... oh yes... we'll cope with this by making her hurt PHYSICALLY worse! Wow!"

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, because the truth is, I'm extremely pissed off with every.fucking.disease I have for causing me more pain. If some of you remember when I realized "Wow, I'm really fucking pissed off at my PTC!" How that made me get a load off of my chest? Well I just realized yet again how pissed off I am with these diseases at this point. Heh.

Methinks I'll be taking some ativan to knock me out...

The sheets are twisted and damp,
And the heat is so great,
And I swear I can feel the mattress,
Sinking underneath your weight...
Oh sleep is like a fever,
And i'm glad when it ends...
And the road flows like a river,
And pulls me around every bend...

And you'll stop me, won't you...


pixie_elf: (Default)

March 2016

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