pixie_elf: (Default)
Yay. My family decided that no, I cannot stay at the hotel with Nathaniel. I am about to be Twenty-Fucking-One. My god.

It's not that that I'm pissed off the most about.

I'm pissed because three months ago.... THREE FUCKING MONTHS AGO Mom PROMISED she'd find a way to make this happen.

And what's she saying now?

5 Days.


I told them a fucking WEEK IN ADVANCE he'll be buying them.

They said I never talked to them about it... WHY THE FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO BRING IT UP? That's not fucking on me. They have responsibility in this too. And if they were trying to be responsible then they should have brought it up months ago.

I'm pissed off.

Very pissed off.

They kept saying how messed up I've been of late.

Well gee I know the Compazine fucked me over.

They said I had judgement making problems.

They said I'm impulsive.

That I do shit without thinking so I'm going to do something wrong.

They said I needed a therapyst.

Because in the past few weeks Mom has been harsh on me and told me shit when she was angry that upset me. Shit that wasn't true and I'm never allowed to say you're wrong because I'm told to shut up. Wow. You really want me to talk to a therapyst about that? They'd chew her ass out and put her right in therapy with me. Good idea.

Don't fucking pull your shit on me making this my fault and mine alone. You could have brought it up too.

So I guess this means I'm not trusted.

And Apparantly unless Nathaniel can come up with enough money to cover the hotel (Which I'm not sure WHAT that will be but I know the full price will be between $359-390 or so for 10 days, because they can apparantly only pay for 5 when they promised the full 10...) We're fucked. Great going guys.

I told you we should save up.

Did you listen? No.

I also planned this out so I wouldn't be going and doing a fuck of a lot that would tire me out.

And yet I'm the one that's irresponsible, fucks shit up, and apparantly is untrustworthy.

I'm about ready to say fuck you. You may be my parents and I may love you but I'm about to be 21. I have the right to go to that room and sleep in it if I want to.

What they also don't think about is it'd give them days to work on my room. Days that they could get that fucking mess cleaned up without making me ill because of the dust. But does that matter? No. What matters is that I'll fuck shit up and sleep with him because I'm obviously an impulsive idiot who couldn't POSSIBLY decide to wait and carry that through. Goody.

Wow, you really put trust in me. You really make me feel all happy about who I am and what I am. I think things out carefully guys, very carefully and I think about things a lot. You want to talk about reality? You could have brought it up. So it's not just on my head. It's on yours.

I don't recall ever being this angry at Mama or Papa before but I am so fucking angry. It's all my fault I guess, because I'm so irresponsible.


May. 9th, 2005 02:52 am
pixie_elf: (Default)
I am irritated at the moment.

THIS IS THE THIRD PERIOD I'VE HAD IN AT LEAST THE LAST MONTH AND A HALF! It might be the past -month-, but I think Month-and-a-half, would be more accurate. Why the fuck has my body decided to start doing this? I mean, does it want to be anemic yet again? I can get me not having one for 3 months. Dr.Helen and I agree. that's my body protecting me because it needs to keep the blood in at that point... But why the fuck is it doing -THIS- again?!

Thank GODS I have an appt. w/ Dr.Dallas coming up. Hopefully he won't try to send me to the gyno's in Galveston yet again because honestly? They did not listen to me. Which, REALLY pissed me off.

Either way, he needs to know, and I need to make sure I keep a record of this, because otherwise I won't have anything to tell them. I'm still annoyed though... It had been fine for a while... but gah... I'm in severe pain thanks to this.

And this isn't the first time it's done this. Female problems are common in my family. So yeah, it's pretty bad when most women in your family have had a hystorectumy by 25. Yes, you heard me right. That's the running age. Though I don't intend on getting mine removed unless it's impossible to get around, but fuck... Aunt BamBam had HERS removed at 20. She didn't even get to HAVE kids. At least w/ 3 periods a month I know that my body is, at the very least, telling me I still can. :P Ha.

Yes, normally I consider my periods as a somewhat special time because, my body is obviously telling me it can reproduce, but um, right now? It's not so great. x_x;

I'm in some pain at the moment, not just from my ovaries...but from my back...

I think I need my Anaprox switched.... because it is now not working for my period, which sucks big time. Oh yes, you heard me right, the medication I usually squeal "SAVIOR!!!" at, is no longer working for my periods. Goody. And my heating pad burned out. ^_^; At this point I'm considering taking 2 ativan and a baclophen to make my muscles relax.

Bone pain isn't too bad, the Kadian is doing much better than I even expected. Which has made me -very- happy... a lower dose of Morphine with even better results! FUCK YES! ^_______^

I'm reading Holy Blood, Holy Grail at the moment. Whee. I also have Josie on me forcing me to love on her. ^_^; And I'm done rambling.


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