All better.

May. 5th, 2005 06:31 pm
pixie_elf: (Default)
I feel better now.... since I got everything out I'm much much better. *smiles* I just had to get the crap out and cry some to make myself feel better.

Meh, a good cry helps. It's a release. It gets out the toxic things and now, I'm pretty much feeling better than I did -before- yesterday... So yeah... Believe it or not it helps a lot sometimes just letting myself cry.

Most of you know I do not allow myself to truly cry. Not often. -Rarely- do I allow it. It's something I've done for years...

I'll hush now tho...
pixie_elf: (Default)

I'm feeling much better now...

The last post was my confusion from when my period just suddenly hit me and I was upset over quite a few things...

I wasn't thinking straight, I apologize about that... I just honestly wanted to pull away and hide inside so that I wouldn't bother anyone with my problems, because honestly they were so small and not even real problems... I just made them into problems...

I'm not making much sense but... Nathaniel helped cheer me up and make me feel better last night... so I'm fine now...

Except I'm so sleepy.... I need sleep, like Zombies need Brains.


Apr. 1st, 2005 11:23 am
pixie_elf: (Default)
Everything is fine now. I paniced, because of bad memories, if you want an explaination of that last post. I was just really, really upset. Some things you don't want to remember because they just make you feel so...

... Useless. Weak. Stupid.

I don't feel that way now. At the time, I did, and all of that came -rushing- back... I would rather not have to remember the feelings. I learned from those mistakes. Boy, did I learn... I learned something very important about myself at that point. At all of those points. I made the mistake I made back then in ignorance. I shall not make it again.

I wasn't so worried about getting hurt... No. I was more worried about hurting him. I was worried that if I let it go on.... I'd wind up repeating my mistake and hurting my beloved because I -would- break and crumble again. I wouldn't just hurt myself in that case. I'd wind up lashing out... Or just hurting him when I finally did break and the truth came out. I couldn't lie about something that important.

I don't want to fuck this up because of what happened in my past...

Thank you for listening to me, Drew. I really appriciated it. It helped a lot. *hugs*


pixie_elf: (Default)

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