pixie_elf: (Default)
Whee. I've been in a creative mood lately. Poetic, Painting, beading, you name it, I've been doing it. ^_^;; Mostly the writing though.

Right now I feel sick. I hate my period at the moment. Meh. I feel icky because I've had 3 in the last month...

But I am tired of being your Savior,
And I am tired of telling you why.


I warned you. I tried to warn you. You chose not to listen to me. I wash my hands of this. What you choose to do to him and to yourself is your own choice. You were warned about how I felt. You were warned what would happen. How am I to blame if you won't listen to more than one person's warnings? Oh well. You'll learn soon enough what you want and by then it may be too late. Either way things between our friendship I think are frozen at this point. They will not get any better nor any worse on my part. Maybe on yours because I'm withdrawing myself, but I've got good reason to. Your hurts will not be my fault this time around. There is a reason I've done things the way I've done them. Done is done, I cannot undo them. Either way the only thing I may do is stand by them. I stand by what I said because it's the truth. Nothing good will come of rehashing all of these things...

It matters not to me now what you do. I love you but I won't watch you allow yourself to be destroyed. Maybe you didn't realize it but BLIND faith has gotten you nothing so far. What makes you think blindly obeying someone yet again will make good come to you?

You made your choice, and I am making mine, to force myself not to fucking bother telling the complete truth to you until you've gotten your act together. I had a backup plan in order, so what does it matter? I was hurt at first. Very hurt, but you know what? Now I'm just annoyed. Now I'm just angry. I'll get over it, sooner or later, once I'm prooved right I'll get over it and the anger will go away... heh.
pixie_elf: (Default)
And here comes little naked Me,
Paddling up to the bathroom door...
To find little naked You,
SLUMPED on the bathroom floor...
So, I guess I'll just STAND here,
With my back against the wall,
While you distill your whole life,
Down to a 911 call...


Gods my head is killing me right now...

Squeezing.Brain.Painful.Stop.Now.Please.

The pain in my ovaries was fucking easier to deal with. x_x;;

I can tell this is just a temporary raise in pressure because I'm not feeling it behind my eyes, if that makes -any- sense... It's not so bad right now, I can handle it but if I move the wrong way? Brain.Squeezed. Fuckmas. This hurts. x_x;;

I'm so tired but I already know the moment I lay down I'll just wind up staring at the ceiling because of the pain. Fucking pain. Stupid pain. I hate pain. It sucks.

I mean, okay, I can see the use for pain... But what I can't see is why the fuck my body chose to cope with things by AMPLIFYING my physical pain? I mean what the FUCK is up with that? "Oh gee, she's had plenty of mental trauma as a child... let's see... oh yes... we'll cope with this by making her hurt PHYSICALLY worse! Wow!"

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, because the truth is, I'm extremely pissed off with every.fucking.disease I have for causing me more pain. If some of you remember when I realized "Wow, I'm really fucking pissed off at my PTC!" How that made me get a load off of my chest? Well I just realized yet again how pissed off I am with these diseases at this point. Heh.

Methinks I'll be taking some ativan to knock me out...

The sheets are twisted and damp,
And the heat is so great,
And I swear I can feel the mattress,
Sinking underneath your weight...
Oh sleep is like a fever,
And i'm glad when it ends...
And the road flows like a river,
And pulls me around every bend...

And you'll stop me, won't you...

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Pixie-elf

March 2016

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