pixie_elf: (Default)
Okay, at this point I am a giggly loon.

I'm not sure WHY but I seem to have recieved some form of a high from...I'm not sure what.

Note: I've not ate in about 12 hours, and have BARELY drank any water, just enough to get my meds down...

My family is worried about my gallbladder...

Meh? To be honest I am too, but at this point thanks to whatever's affecting me I'm too giggly to care ^^;

I feel so stupid, Happy, and Numb...

Whee. Tho I'm not in severe pain anymore, it's dull still, but not as bad ^_^;

I also had a fucked up dream where I was partially trapped in a cat's body... Panther, tho... I've had dreams similar to that before, that I was a damned panther stuck in the woods, running, circling, about to pounce on something ^_^;

But this was different...

I was trapped in a hospital.

Why? I have no clue. Another strange thing was in part of the dream was my wrists were cut, but, not by me... apparantly, someone was after me, and another panther came along and we both lashed out at the captors.

Later on in the dream it turned out I was a nurse and judge judy was there, Dunno why she was either but it was fucking weird. :-=
pixie_elf: (Default)
Okay. Feeling a bit better now that I got all of that out. Done crying at least. That makes this much easier. My system is empty, tho, my headache is a bit worse :/

This is where the damn breaks,
This is where she fakes it...
Most of the time, my head's just fine...

It's giving me a headache,
I'm PRAYING it's just a mistake,
And my head's on fire..
My head's on fire...


We may take a trip to El Paso, and/or Alabama btw. ^_^ Dunno when tho!
pixie_elf: (Default)
And here comes little naked Me,
Paddling up to the bathroom door...
To find little naked You,
SLUMPED on the bathroom floor...
So, I guess I'll just STAND here,
With my back against the wall,
While you distill your whole life,
Down to a 911 call...


Gods my head is killing me right now...

Squeezing.Brain.Painful.Stop.Now.Please.

The pain in my ovaries was fucking easier to deal with. x_x;;

I can tell this is just a temporary raise in pressure because I'm not feeling it behind my eyes, if that makes -any- sense... It's not so bad right now, I can handle it but if I move the wrong way? Brain.Squeezed. Fuckmas. This hurts. x_x;;

I'm so tired but I already know the moment I lay down I'll just wind up staring at the ceiling because of the pain. Fucking pain. Stupid pain. I hate pain. It sucks.

I mean, okay, I can see the use for pain... But what I can't see is why the fuck my body chose to cope with things by AMPLIFYING my physical pain? I mean what the FUCK is up with that? "Oh gee, she's had plenty of mental trauma as a child... let's see... oh yes... we'll cope with this by making her hurt PHYSICALLY worse! Wow!"

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, because the truth is, I'm extremely pissed off with every.fucking.disease I have for causing me more pain. If some of you remember when I realized "Wow, I'm really fucking pissed off at my PTC!" How that made me get a load off of my chest? Well I just realized yet again how pissed off I am with these diseases at this point. Heh.

Methinks I'll be taking some ativan to knock me out...

The sheets are twisted and damp,
And the heat is so great,
And I swear I can feel the mattress,
Sinking underneath your weight...
Oh sleep is like a fever,
And i'm glad when it ends...
And the road flows like a river,
And pulls me around every bend...

And you'll stop me, won't you...

Okay....

May. 9th, 2005 02:52 am
pixie_elf: (Default)
I am irritated at the moment.

THIS IS THE THIRD PERIOD I'VE HAD IN AT LEAST THE LAST MONTH AND A HALF! It might be the past -month-, but I think Month-and-a-half, would be more accurate. Why the fuck has my body decided to start doing this? I mean, does it want to be anemic yet again? I can get me not having one for 3 months. Dr.Helen and I agree. that's my body protecting me because it needs to keep the blood in at that point... But why the fuck is it doing -THIS- again?!

Thank GODS I have an appt. w/ Dr.Dallas coming up. Hopefully he won't try to send me to the gyno's in Galveston yet again because honestly? They did not listen to me. Which, REALLY pissed me off.

Either way, he needs to know, and I need to make sure I keep a record of this, because otherwise I won't have anything to tell them. I'm still annoyed though... It had been fine for a while... but gah... I'm in severe pain thanks to this.

And this isn't the first time it's done this. Female problems are common in my family. So yeah, it's pretty bad when most women in your family have had a hystorectumy by 25. Yes, you heard me right. That's the running age. Though I don't intend on getting mine removed unless it's impossible to get around, but fuck... Aunt BamBam had HERS removed at 20. She didn't even get to HAVE kids. At least w/ 3 periods a month I know that my body is, at the very least, telling me I still can. :P Ha.

Yes, normally I consider my periods as a somewhat special time because, my body is obviously telling me it can reproduce, but um, right now? It's not so great. x_x;

I'm in some pain at the moment, not just from my ovaries...but from my back...

I think I need my Anaprox switched.... because it is now not working for my period, which sucks big time. Oh yes, you heard me right, the medication I usually squeal "SAVIOR!!!" at, is no longer working for my periods. Goody. And my heating pad burned out. ^_^; At this point I'm considering taking 2 ativan and a baclophen to make my muscles relax.

Bone pain isn't too bad, the Kadian is doing much better than I even expected. Which has made me -very- happy... a lower dose of Morphine with even better results! FUCK YES! ^_______^

I'm reading Holy Blood, Holy Grail at the moment. Whee. I also have Josie on me forcing me to love on her. ^_^; And I'm done rambling.

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