(no subject)

My LP went well, my headache is down to a 1, and I'm doing fairly good...

Though, I feel rather nauseated, but it's more my nerves than anything else... Meh. More in another entry because I really don't want to angst in public at the moment. x_x;;

Nathaniel sang to me before I went in for the LP... it made me relax some.

It was still painful and they had to stick me between 6-10 times. x_x;;

I'm not including the other thing that happened because I believe it's rather personal but um... yah.

Oh and they gave me some more of those FISHNET undies that they give you when you have surgery.... Seriously. It was like wearing see-thru panties. SOOO weird. No, I didn't keep them, but I do actually have a pair from when I had that MRSA Staph infection and they had to do that surgery on me to lance the infected area ^_^;; So yeah. They're weird. Never had them for an LP tho.

Whee.

Also....

Don't fucking ask me how things are going with my boyfriend if it's for an alterior motive. I've had enough of that bullshit in the past oh...WEEK. Yes, I'm pissed off about this. I don't like this one fucking bit. It's nice to be wanted, but um, the way they're asking, and ACTING moreso, is what's bothering me... REALLY bothering me... >_< I might just flip out and fucking shoot someone, kay? ^_^ Lemme put it this way...
Yes, I have a boyfriend.
No, I will not fuck you.
End of subject. Understand?

^_^

Everything is fine now. I paniced, because of bad memories, if you want an explaination of that last post. I was just really, really upset. Some things you don't want to remember because they just make you feel so...

... Useless. Weak. Stupid.

I don't feel that way now. At the time, I did, and all of that came -rushing- back... I would rather not have to remember the feelings. I learned from those mistakes. Boy, did I learn... I learned something very important about myself at that point. At all of those points. I made the mistake I made back then in ignorance. I shall not make it again.

I wasn't so worried about getting hurt... No. I was more worried about hurting him. I was worried that if I let it go on.... I'd wind up repeating my mistake and hurting my beloved because I -would- break and crumble again. I wouldn't just hurt myself in that case. I'd wind up lashing out... Or just hurting him when I finally did break and the truth came out. I couldn't lie about something that important.

I don't want to fuck this up because of what happened in my past...

Thank you for listening to me, Drew. I really appriciated it. It helped a lot. *hugs*

EEEE!!!

My Mama found The Fall Of Atlantis for me. Eeee. So happy ^_^ Tho, she didn't find the Tarot Deck I wanted, or the books.... B.A.M. didn't have it, nor did Barnes and Noble. Urgh. Oh well, they found a place that should have them, it was closed today tho.

But still, I got this book I've been searching for,forever. <3 <3 <3