^_^

[pixie_elf]

Everything is fine now. I paniced, because of bad memories, if you want an explaination of that last post. I was just really, really upset. Some things you don't want to remember because they just make you feel so...

... Useless. Weak. Stupid.

I don't feel that way now. At the time, I did, and all of that came -rushing- back... I would rather not have to remember the feelings. I learned from those mistakes. Boy, did I learn... I learned something very important about myself at that point. At all of those points. I made the mistake I made back then in ignorance. I shall not make it again.

I wasn't so worried about getting hurt... No. I was more worried about hurting him. I was worried that if I let it go on.... I'd wind up repeating my mistake and hurting my beloved because I -would- break and crumble again. I wouldn't just hurt myself in that case. I'd wind up lashing out... Or just hurting him when I finally did break and the truth came out. I couldn't lie about something that important.

I don't want to fuck this up because of what happened in my past...

Thank you for listening to me, Drew. I really appriciated it. It helped a lot. *hugs*